There are women who thrive under the pressures of motherhood, and then there are women who struggle just to survive those same pressures. Most women believe they belong to the second camp and that everyone else fits squarely into the first. Enter Ramadan. Camp One floods Instagram with pictures of beautifully decorated homes, complete with their little ones praying in their very own salah corner. Meanwhile, a Camp Two mother is simply trying to get through her own fardh salah while blocking out her child’s attempts to destroy everything in sight. As she rolls up her prayer mat and surveys the chaos around her, she quietly wonders: How am I going to wake up for suhoor, prepare iftars, do my ibadah, and still manage all the extra activities I planned to make Ramadan special for my little one? All of this while dealing with sleep regressions, tantrums from an overtired, overstimulated child who screams every time she leaves the room—and, of course, while fasting. Dear Camp Two Mama, please keep reading through the chaos.
It’s time to go back to basics. Here’s the important fact you’ve missed because you’re sleep-deprived.
In the Surah Al Baqarah, verse 183, Allah says:
‘…Fasting is prescribed for you, as it was prescribed for those before you, so that you may attain taqwā (piety and mindfulness of Allah)’
And then at the end of this passage, once the exemptions for illness and travelling have been established, Allah ends v185 with
‘… Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship and [wants] for you to complete the period and to glorify Allah for that [to] which He has guided you; and perhaps you will be grateful.’
You, my dear, are on the journey of motherhood. Yes, of course, because you aren’t physically traveling anywhere, you don’t qualify for an exemption from fasting. However, Allah still intends ease for you, not hardship. All Allah needs from you, is for you to come at this month with a sincere heart. A heart that wants to grow in awareness of His presence as you navigate this exhausting yet beautiful stage of life.
It’s time to be kind to yourself, because your Lord is Most Kind. So, put your ambitious Ramadan list to one side for now and focus on the true purpose of Ramadan: to increase your taqwa. This month is about YOU. This is the one month in the year when Allah is telling you to take a much-needed break from your other responsibilities and focus on yourself—your relationship with Him. He doesn’t require fancy decorations, a jam-packed schedule of crafts, or the exhausting acts of worship you used to manage before motherhood. Make your life easier in any way you can. Maybe, for this month, you can relax the screen time rules. Maybe you can outsource the cleaning or the ironing. Perhaps you can ask for help from family members. Do it all with the right intention, and it all counts as your Ramadan ibadah.
“Well, that’s all very well,” I hear you say. “But my child is still screaming. How can I make this moment about me?” Go to your child. Comfort them. Do all that is required of you, but with one important distinction: speak to Allah as you do it. Keep renewing your intention by telling Him that you are doing it for His sake. Make it count as your ibadah. Turn this ordinary moment into a heartfelt conversation with Allah and tell Him how hard you are finding motherhood. Ask Him for the patience and strength you need to carry on. Tell Him how much you need His help in every single task. Watch what happens. I guarantee that one day, you will look back on these quiet conversations and realise that they were the most important ibadah you could have engaged in during these years.
And above all, stop focusing on the guilt you feel for not being able to visit the mosque or read as much Qur’an. Start focusing on the gratitude that He didn’t make these things a condition for becoming close to Him. I guarantee amazing things will happen when you do this, too.
P.S. If you are a Camp One mother, then mashallah! This article wasn’t intended to bash the mamas who go the extra mile to make Ramadan special for their little ones. If you want to do those things and can easily manage them, then go ahead. May Allah reward you for your beautiful efforts. And if you want some easy, low-prep, low-mess ideas for Ramadan activities to keep your little ones busy as you fast, do check out my free “30 Days of Easy Islamic Sensory” PDF booklet available through my Instagram.
About the author:
Sana A. Faqir is a Scottish Muslim writer. Her latest project is a sensory board book titled Join Us for Ramadan, which aims to capture the joy and excitement of Ramadan for young readers while also supporting their motor skills and development.
Sana is also the Coordinator of the Islamic Book Fair of Scotland, an annual event that showcases the finest Muslim children’s literature from around the world. Through her efforts, she is dedicated to ensuring that Muslim children in Scotland see themselves represented in the books they read.
Instagram and Facebook: @sana_a_faqir
Twitter: @SanaFaqir
