A pious believer’s journey through stages of grief
Death is a profound reality and something that will certainly happen. A Muslim is aware of the transient nature of this life and knows that death could come at any time, especially when going to sleep, as it is clearly indicated in the Qur’an and Sunnah that God takes souls at night when we sleep, and that sleep is a ‘type’ of death.
“It is Allāh Who takes away the souls at the time of their death, and those that die not during their sleep. He keeps those (souls) for which He has ordained death and sends the rest for a term appointed. Verily, in this are signs for people who think deeply.” (Qur’an 39.42)
Thus, one ought to be grateful for every single day he is alive, as life is a privilege that can be taken away at any moment. Prophet Muhammad said, “Be in this world as if you were a stranger or a traveler,” as a reminder that one can return to his Creator at any moment. Thus, a believer is always cognizant of death.
With death comes grief, which can be a major source of trauma. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) provided a practical and effective approach to grieving when he lost his son, Ibrahim. He wept and said: “Verily the eyes shed tears and the heart grieves, and we are saddened over your departure oh Ibrahim. But we will not say except that which is pleasing to our Lord.” (Bukhari).
This supplication provides a framework that includes mourning by allowing oneself to experience all emotions, while also observing patience by saying and doing only what is permitted. Most significantly, it encourages acceptance of the loss and acknowledgment of its impact on us.
While we all struggle with grief, especially with the death of a loved one, some respond in an extraordinary way. A pious believer responds with noble and exemplary behavior, showing gratitude. This amazing ability to process grief in such a manner is a gift bestowed by the Almighty.
Allah says “And My servant does not draw near to Me with anything more beloved to Me than the religious duties I have obligated upon him. And My servant continues to draw near to me with supererogatory deeds until I Love him. When I Love him, I become his hearing with which he hears, and his sight with which he sees, and his hand with which he strikes, and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him; and were he to seek refuge with Me, I would surely grant him refuge.” (Bukhari)
Thus, for a blessed servant of God, the journey through grief becomes easier and enables him to develop resilience against despair and depression.
The initial shock and denial he experiences upon receiving news of a death is gradually replaced by acceptance, as he remembers that God is the giver and taker of life, and that death is merely a path of return to Him. This belief is strengthened by the well-known statement typically recited upon the loss of a loved one: “We belong to God, and to Him we shall return.” (Muslim)
The second part of this statement, which reads, “O Allah! Compensate me in my affliction, recompense my loss, and give me something better in exchange for it,” provides solace as he reaches out to God for support in coping with the calamity. It acknowledges that death is a test, and by responding appropriately, he will be compensated, rewarded, and granted something better as a result of the loss.
Allah says, “I have nothing to give but Paradise as a reward to my believer slave, who, if I cause his dear friend (or relative) to die, remains patient and hopes for Allah’s Reward.” (Bukhari)
The significance of including God in the entire process provides peace. It reassures him that he is reaching out to a Higher Power in a situation that renders him helpless. It also reinforces the fact that this is something beyond his control. Therefore, he absolves himself from feeling guilty or wronged as he accepts death as a natural part of life.
“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient.” (Qu’ran 2:155)
The finality and hopelessness one feels upon the demise of a loved one are significantly reduced by the certainty a devout believer has that death is not the end and that they will meet their loved ones again. This belief is illustrated in the prayer recited when visiting graves, which reads:
“O people of the dwellings, believers and Muslims, God willing we will join you soon, I ask Allah to keep us and you safe and sound.” (Muslim)
A number of ways of reconnecting have been taught in Islamic tradition, such as through prayers, continuing good actions, or offering charity on behalf of the deceased. These provide a way of maintaining the relationship with departed loved ones.
Consequently, the pious believer cannot be angry at God for taking what originally belongs to Him. He understands that it was not a malicious act or a form of punishment; rather, it is the natural course of life that every person will go through.
“There is no god but He. Everything (that exists) will perish except His own Face. To Him belongs the Command, and to Him will ye (all) be brought back.” (Qur’an 28: 88)
There is also no room for bargaining. A pious believer knows that nothing could have been done to stop the death, as it was already predetermined. This fact is clearly highlighted in various verses of the Qur’an.
“Wherever you may be, death will overtake you, even if you should be within towers of lofty construction.” (Qur’an 4:78)
“Every soul will taste death. And We test you ˹O humanity˺ with good and evil as a trial, then to Us you will {all} be returned.” (Qur’an, 21:335)
“[…] when their time arrives, they cannot delay it for a single hour nor can they bring it forward.” (Quran, 16:61)
This fact eliminates the possibility of blame and guilt, allowing one to come to terms with the death of a loved one.
But perhaps the most reassuring characteristic of the pious believer that facilitates healing in grief is his love for God. His absolute love for his Creator reinforces his certainty and belief that his Lord can never do anything to harm him. Everything God bestows upon him, no matter how bad, is rooted in divine wisdom and love and thus ultimately brings only good. He believes that the death of a loved one is a mercy—an opening to a better life in the hereafter that ends the suffering of this world—and an opportunity for him to earn paradise through his affliction.
This state is achieved when one is truly content with Allah’s decree, such that they surrender wholeheartedly and find peace in submitting to whatever He ordains. It is at this juncture that a person will be able to express gratitude for everything in their life, including grief.
“[…] Indeed my prayers, my sacrifice, my life and my death, are for Allah the Lord of the worlds.” (Quran, 6:162)
