Kalima

Lost and Found

She always dreamed of moving out of her family home and experiencing what uni was all about. She was a young muslim girl who respected her religion. Going into the real world of uni, she became blind to her surroundings. She was always told to be true to herself while entering this new stage of her life, that this could either go left or right depending on her personal experience.  The fear of not knowing anyone, being in a new city, and studying a course she wasn’t so keen on; it became a challenge for her. She grew to be one of the popular girls who started free mixing, not realising the effects it would have on her. She didn’t know how to react to the things around her and started losing her faith and being questioned about her religion and her actions. Subhanallah, months went by while her world came crashing down. Darkness appeared on her face, and it was clear that she was battling mental health issues and her relationship with religion. Her preoccupation with the dunya soon made her scared to leave her room because of the fitnah. She started to question the people around her, her purpose in this dunya, why certain things kept happening and most of all, why she felt so much guilt in her heart every time she sinned. She lost touch with reality and the test she was given by Allah. She cried every time her head hit the ground, not understanding why she was being tested this way. This new city she called “home” became the place she hated the most; she developed severe anxiety, depression and panic attacks. She began documenting her life, collecting memories for the day she could say, ‘I did it with Allah’s guidance’.

One night she prayed her salah and asked for sincere guidance. Her Lord answered her prayers within seconds subhanallah. She made the conscious effort to remove the bad influences from her life and started to include habits that would please Allah. Fast forward to the present, she is more connected with Islam, her faith is stronger than ever, she doesn’t interact with the opposite gender and has now become a full time hijabi and abaya girl Allahuma barik. Without Allah’s guidance, none of this would’ve been possible alhamdulillah. Never give up on your duas, whether it is answered today or next year, Allah’s timing is perfect. Try to be patient as Allah tells us “verily, with every hardship comes ease… (Quran 94:6).

You may hear people speak about the joys of being a uni student but never the true reality of it all and how it can rip you apart. This is an ultimate test on whether you choose deen over dunya or the other way around. The friends I chose played a big role in how I lost myself while at university. I didn’t see the true meaning of choosing righteous companions. 07/03/2021 was the day I truly turned back to Allah, the day my prayers were answered. The day I made the conscious decision to start wearing the hijab and cut off all the influences that were impacting me in such a negative way. Everything happens for a reason! The Prophet ﷺ said: “A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend”. I speak on my journey today to help encourage my brothers and sisters. If my story touches even one person and motivates them, alhamdulillah. My struggles at university affected me immensely, and took a toll on my grades and my views on life. But after a lot of reflection, I came to the realisation that I had to be tested in order for me to become the person that I am today. I look back and cry with happiness knowing Allah chose to guide me, and all it took was that one sincere dua.

May Allah protect us from the evils of this dunya. May He make us amongst those who follow the Quran and Sunnah. May He forgive us for our shortcomings and make us better individuals.  May we enter Jannah and have righteous companions who encourage us to always do better. Ameen. Please keep me in your duas as you are in mine 🤍

Author’s Instagram @quotesbysau

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