Kalima

Lost

It was gone. Just like that, all of a sudden. She searched and searched but it was no use. It was nowhere to be found.

Panic overtook her. Her breath shortened; her heart raced. How could this be? Where could it have gone? She stared into space, as if in a daze, but inside her brain was working furiously, trying to figure out how she had lost it and where. She couldn’t go on without it. It had been a part of her for as long as she could remember. How could she have lost something so important? ‘This is crazy’, she thought, ‘I have to find it’.

She began moving all the ornaments on her mantelpiece, as if it would be hidden there amongst the porcelain flowers and the little wooden animals. “It must be here somewhere,” she muttered quietly. Confusion had set in, and she scrunched her eyes together tightly, as if that would make her think harder.

She tried to think back to when she had it. She remembered being surrounded by people. She remembered feeling like it was a place of happiness and positivity. Bright, colourful lights were all around and the place was filled with laughter and lots of different voices. And the smell. What was that smell? It was so familiar, yet she just couldn’t place it. Wait, it’s apple pie. She’d smelled that smell so many times! Who made that pie? Where was this place? Who were these people? All she could remember was that was where she had it.

But was that the last place? She couldn’t be sure. Exasperated, she shuffled around the room searching for clues. With every second she was becoming more and more frustrated. Tears began rolling down her cheeks. Had she lost it, or had it been stolen? It wasn’t worth anything to anybody but her.

She stopped and tried to compose herself. She closed her eyes and pictured herself when she had it. She remembered. She remembered being happy. Without it she felt dead. Somewhere in her mind there was a box of memories from before she lost it. What a beautiful time. When her life was happy and so fulfilling. She remembered the warm sun on her back and somebody’s arm around her waist, holding her tight. She remembered laughing and a warm, fuzzy feeling throughout her body. She definitely had it then. She needed it back, that was certain. Where on earth could it be?

The more she tried to think, the more she panicked. The more she panicked, the more she struggled to breathe. “Where is it!?”, she screamed, “Where is it!?”

Her head was spinning. Beads of sweat rolled down her forehead, her body overheating as her body reacted to the panic. Her eyes began closing and suddenly, she felt herself falling. As she hit the floor, her eyes tightly shut, she heard quick footsteps rushing towards her, closer and closer.

“Where is it, I can’t find it”, she murmured softly in between short, shallow breaths.

“Shhh, it’s ok”, a soft voice said. She vaguely recognised the voice. A wave of tiredness came over her and she felt herself drifting off into nothingness. It came as a relief to stop thinking for a moment. Dazed, she heard the voice again. It sounded distant, muffled, almost as if it were far away. It was a woman’s voice. She couldn’t place it, but it felt so familiar.

“Is there seriously nothing we can do about it?” The voice questioned, sounding a little frustrated, “This is torture for her, and for us as well.”

“I’m sorry,” said another voice, “all we can do is continue reminding her who you are and where she is, I’m afraid.”

“Poor mum,” the familiar voice said.

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